Talk

I was asked to speak in the adult session of stake conference last Saturday night.  Pressure!  This is strictly for the purpose of recording it in our family journal.  So don't read it, I guess is what I'm trying to say.  The stake conference theme was centered around 2 Nephi 5:27, "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness."  I was asked to speak about how our family lives after the manner of happiness.  Oh, man!  I was so nervous.  I felt like barfing most of Saturday.  But once I got to the church and sat down, I felt confident and just ready to get it over with.  Afterwards, I felt like a huge load had been lifted.  The bishop of the young single adult ward asked me for a copy of my talk.  I said, "Sure!  Here it is!"  and just handed it to him.

How does our family live after the manner of happiness?  It’s very simple, really.  We live according to the outline and programs of the Church.  In the Family Proclamation, it states boldly:  Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.  Fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.  Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children.  Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.  We do this.  We’re doing this right now.

We have family prayer.  We have Family Home Evening.  We teach our children the gospel.  We discipline with love.  We have a lot of fun with our kids.  I’m holding in my hands 60 pages of type-written memories since my wedding day in 2000.  This is our family journal.  I record every so often what’s going on in our lives, how the children are growing, funny stories, and the hilarious things kids say.  As I have read this over this past week, one thing is sure:  My husband Jason and I love each other and are committed to making certain our marriage comes first before anything else.  Is our life perfect?  No.  And it’s not supposed to be.  Sometimes we get so busy, we lose our focus.  And sometimes I have to make a point to go up to my husband and say, “Hi.  I’m your wife.  Nice to meet you.”  But we learn and grow and accomplish much by being challenged, by sorting through the disappointments, by pushing through the hard times.  It is those hard times that can either make or break a marriage and a family.  We just choose to allow the difficulties of everyday life to strengthen our focus on what’s really important.

I know I’m being pretty vague here.   Allow me to just mention four things that I think help us to live after the manner of happiness.  Let me start by sharing journal entry from last year:

“It’s Mother’s Day on Sunday and I had the best gift of all tonight.  I sat in the minivan at the park while Jason and the kids jumped out.  A few minutes later, Jason was swinging all three kids on the swings.  Christiana had her head back, practically looking upside down as she swung back and forth.  Jacob and Jimmy were going high, although Jimmy was urging dad to push him higher and faster.  And Jacob was pushing and pumping his legs like crazy so he could be higher than Jimmy.  That was my most favorite present.  Seeing my three wonderful children swinging high and laughing so hard.  Jason is such an amazing father.  He’s the best dad ever.  Being a mother is my greatest joy and that’s because I’m married to a good man.”

So what does our family do to live after the manner of happiness?  The first thing we do is we stay married.  We love our marriage and take care of it.  We’ve learned that marriage is a gift and not to be taken lightly or to be taken for granted.  We need to keep an eternal perspective.  Don’t see marriage or family just as it is today, but look beyond that and realize that time is so fleeting, so fast, and the efforts we pursue now will always become a future blessing in the lives of our family members.  The trials and difficulties we may face in our families right now pales in comparison to the sadness and heartache we may feel later if we quit or if we don’t give it our best effort.  The Lord has established patterns for us in order to secure happiness for families.  These include baptism, receiving our endowments in the Temple and then marrying there for time and all eternity. 

Do you think it’s going to matter in the next life that we stayed married and stayed committed to having a happy and successful family in this life?  I definitely think so.

There are countless examples in the Book of Mormon when the Nephites are afforded protection because why.  Because they believed in God and were obedient to the commandments and to the covenants they’ve made.  This same protection is afforded to us, also, in our marriages and in our families.  If we maintain our commitment to our spouses and the covenants we’ve made at baptism and in the temple, we will receive protection.  Heavenly Father wants us to succeed. 

One way we can have happiness in our families is to ask forgiveness and to also forgive, which is my second idea.   Our Father in Heaven makes special promises to His people, those who are baptized in His church.  We are His children.  He promises us that as many times as we repent, He will forgive.  He also commands us to forgive others, that it’s required of us to do so.  That’s tricky to do.  It’s hard to forgive when you feel justified in your anger, justified in your hurt and disappointment.  But forgiveness is critical to finding happiness in this life, as well as in our home.  There is no way we can have true joy and peace if there is an absence of forgiveness.  And we must teach this same principle to our children.  “I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive but of you it is required to forgive all men, especially  your spouse.”  I added that last part.

Jason and I have a statute of limitations of three days on things I’ve said or things he’s said that have proven hurtful or unkind.  Basically, what this means is, you can’t bring something up if three days have passed.  You can’t reopen an argument or bring back a disagreement from early on in your marriage or from 2006 or even from last week.  That has been a good rule for us.  It forces us to move beyond the conflict, to forgive, and be friends again.  Sometimes we even have to ask the other, “Are we friends again?”  Yes, we’re friends again.  If we didn’t forgive, we’d get nothing done!  Forgiveness is freedom.  Freedom to give yourself permission to be happy again.

My third idea is to not be afraid of what is going on in the world today.  We need to raise a righteous posterity.  We can’t do that if we’re scared.  A few years ago, I was standing on a corner in downtown San Francisco, with my two boys who were a bit younger at the time.  We were walking back to our hotel from dinner at McDonald’s and I had underestimated the lengthy distance from the restaurant to the hotel, and the sun was beginning to go down.  I was feeling like a bad mom at that point, dragging my kids through the streets of that city.  As we waited to cross the street, a group of young men approached us who didn’t exactly fit the description of lovely and virtuous.  I didn’t think twice about them being so close to me until one of them looked me in the face and said, “You’re scared, aren’t you?”  I hadn’t realized that perhaps I was looking a little frightened there with my little boys, all alone in a big city.  But I squared up my shoulders and looked him straight in the eye and said, “No.  I’m not scared.”  And then we ran as fast as we could back to our hotel and the group of boys kept walking.  But that incident taught me a lesson.  The world is evil and scary.  The adversary is no longer just sitting outside our house.  He’s banging down the door.  We cannot give up our efforts to fight against the world.  We cannot allow Satan to have refuge in our home.

We have to be able to say, No, I’m not scared to set down some rules in my home.  I’m not scared to tell my children the truth about the dangers of drugs, alcohol, pornography, and promiscuity.  I read an article recently that stated that in the New York City schools, in the school year 2011-2012, 12,721 doses of the Plan B or “morning after” pill were distributed.  Without parental notification or permission.  And in the year 2008 there were 1.21 million abortions performed in the United States alone.  It doesn’t matter where you align yourself on the political spectrum, that is some pretty sad news.  I don’t like the world and what’s going on out there, but I’m not going to be afraid to raise up a righteous posterity and teach my children the true principles of the gospel.  I’m not going to be afraid to bear my testimony to them, to pray with them, and to speak boldly about the Savior, His atonement and our role, our purpose in the plan of salvation.

We cannot continually push Heavenly Father and the Savior from society, from our classrooms, from our homes and expect His protection.  The Holy Ghost will not attend us if we choose the world over God’s Kingdom and His church.  We will not have His comforting influence to guide and direct our paths, to help us with raising children, and to receive personal revelation if we don’t seek Him.  The Lord always stands at the door and knocks.  He’s always there.  It’s us that pushes Him aside, ignores His commandments, and falls short.  We need to be one He can trust.  He gave us His gospel.  He gave us temples, and scriptures, and countless resources to find true happiness.  They are there for us.  But it is incumbent upon ourselves to open that door and receive Him.  The free agency we have enables us to choose the better path.  And that better path always leads to happiness.we need to keep our eye on the prophet and understand that the Lord holds the calendar of events. Our lives are not our own. Our days are knownwe need to keep our eye on the prophet and understand that the Lord holds the calendar of events. Our lives are not our own. Our days are known

Finally, the fourth point I wish to make stems from a couple of verses in Alma chapter 5.  Beginning in verse 57 it says, “And now I say unto you all, you that are desirous to follow the voice of the good shepherd, come ye out from the wicked, and be ye separate … For what shepherd is there among you having many sheep doth not watch over them, that the wolves enter not and devour his flock?”  Thinking about families here.  “And behold, if a wolf enter his flock doth he not drive him out?  Yeah, and at the last, if he can, he will destroy him.  And now I say unto you that the good shepherd doth call after you; and if you will hearken unto his voice he will bring you into his fold, and ye are his sheep; and he commandeth you that ye suffer no ravenous wolf to enter among you, that ye may not be destroyed.” 

My fourth point is:  Be ye separate.  Make our homes a place of refuge from the world.  If our Savior were to knock on your front door today, what would he see when he walked in?  How would He feel?  And what advice or counsel would He give to us to make our families happier.  My parents just sold the home that I had lived in since I was 10 months old and I feel devastated by it.  I knew it was coming.  It’s a necessary step for them to sell and move on.  They’re getting older and need to downsize and get their proverbial house in order.  But I feel like someone has died.  I feel a sense of loss seeing my childhood home sold.  And I think it’s because of the feelings I have growing up there, the memories, the comfort.  The woman who bought my parents’ home said, “I like this home because I know there was a loving family that lived here and I want the same for my children.  There’s a good feeling in here.”  My mom told me she started to cry when she heard that this woman had said that because it’s true.  Our homes need to be, as best as we can, a place where our family can reside in peace and comfort, away from the world.  This can occur if we protect our marriages and guard them as sacred; forgive more; to be unafraid of the world and determined to teach our children correct principles despite what the world is shouting at us; and lastly, to be ye separate.

We need to keep our eye on the prophet and understand that the Lord holds the calendar of events.  Our lives are not our own.  Our days are known.

This is the true Church of Jesus Christ.  He knows us.  He loves us.  He wants us to succeed.  President Thomas S. Monson is His prophet today.  I testify of this and do so in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.